Love Is Simply Not Enough

Welcome to the first episode of the Adopt That Monster Podcast!

In today’s episode: 

• Kona & I introduce ourselves, we tell you our stories before we met,
• We talk about our journey through reactivity,
• You will find out how Adopt That Monster came to life,
• I share my mission for Adopt That Monster,
• And finally: all the wonderful and exciting reasons why you should stick around and listen to us!

If you LOVED this podcast episode, don’t forget to hit the subscribe button.
And if you ABSOLUTELY LOVED this episode, please follow our social media accounts: we have a Facebook Page, an Instagram Account and we are also on Twitter at Adopt That Monster! We have a youtube channel and you can find all the links in the episode description below:

Facebook Page: Adopt That Monster
Instagram Page: @adoptthatmonster
Twitter Page: @AdoptThtMonster
Youtube Channel: @AdoptThatMonster

We intend to bring you valuable content that will support you and your dog blossom and thrive as a team on your bonding journey. Remember, here we go beyond adoption, into connection!
Thank you for listening to the Adopt That Monster podcast! And thank you for being committed to up-leveling the relationship you have with your dog by becoming the best version of your Hooman self.

Thank you for listening!

Transcript

The Adopt That Monster Podcast
Episode# 1
Love Is Simply Not Enough




Hi! And welcome to the Adopt That Monster Podcast! I am Julia and this … is Kona! You are listening to the go-to podcast where Humans drop being the leader of the pack mentality and start LEADING FROM THE HEART so that they up-level their dog-human bond with ease and grace!


Hello everyone!

And welcome to the very first episode of the Adopt That Monster podcast. I am your host, Julia and I have a confession to make: This is my very first time creating a podcast episode! And for the past 4 to 5 days, I have been trying and trying to record this first episode. Somehow I just stutter and I mumble and slurr the words in my mouth. Not to mention the ums and other pausing sounds. The thing is I feel butterflies in my stomach, I feel excited for doing this and at the same time, I feel paralyzed with fear that I might say the wrong thing. Deep inside, I want to get this right so so so badly. But after a bit of introspection and a tough love self-talk, I decided to focus less on getting it perfect and more on getting the mission I carry in my heart for Adopt that Monster out there, to you - the guardian of an adopted dog!

So if at some point, you discover this podcast and want to start with the very first episode (cause that is where history is made), stick with us: I intend that my commitment to bringing regular episodes to you, is also reflected in the decreasing amount of stuttering and ums and ahhs. And in case you are with me right from the start: I intend that my vision for Adopt That Monster speaks to your ears and to your heart volumes louder than the mumbling and slurring.

Now that I’ve issued my stutter & mumble guarantee, Lets get down to business: Today’s episode is an introduction episode. In order to set the tone and bring to you an understanding of where I come from, I would first like to introduce myself and Kona. Tell you our stories up to the point we met for the first time. Then I will take you through our journey with reactivity, and how the many breakdowns and breakthroughs led to the birth of Adopt that Monster. And it is my highest hope that my vision for Adopt That Monster, and the message that lies at its core resonates with you on the same deeper level it keeps on resonating with me.

And spoiler alert: no, my purpose with creating and bring Adopt that Monster to life and ultimately, to you!, the guardian of an adopted dog or future guardian of an adopted dog, is not to convince people to adopt or praise you for having already adopted, or shame you if you have a dog that has not come to you through adoption. No, Adopt That Monster brings to light a side of the dog guardianship that is slightly overlooked, although research has been highlighting the importance of this aspect for years now. But more on that later. Last, but not least, I’ll be answering the relevant question: why should you keep listening to this podcast? What can you expect from the coming episodes?
Ok! Let’s dive in!

As I have said before: my name is Julia and I was born and raised in Bucharest, Romania, in Eastern Europe. From my childhood I carry with me a lot of memories of angry street dogs. And I remember feeling so conflicted about them: because on the one hand I was a child and I was afraid of these angry street dogs. And please keep in mind that Back then I did not have the understanding and the knowledge I have today that there is a difference between aggressive and reactive, that dogs are territorial creatures by nature.

So I remember my mum sending me to buy freshly baked bread or milk at the mini market, and although it was only a few blocks away, I was so scared  that these dogs might bite me, I would usually end up taking longer routes to avoid passing by their territories. So on the one hand I felt afraid and on the other; I wanted to show these dogs that I loved them, that I meant no harm, that I wanted to give them a good back scratch and maybe share a piece of bread with them. So when I grew up, I received a scholarship and moved to Vienna, Austria. And I was impressed at how this country treated its dogs: at every heuringen, which is what the local Austrian restaurants are called, when you enter, they immediately bring you , if you come with your dog, of course, a bowl of fresh water for the dog and they actually have treats for the dog. If on your morning potty walk, you stop at the classic Austrian stores that sell newspapers, your dog gets a treat. And you can enter the pharmacy with your dog… And it was in this world, living as an expat that I slowly started to want my own dog. And what follows is the cliche story of: I did not rescue the dog, the dog rescued me. It is the truth of my story, and I will make it as short as possible. Right after I turned 30, after having worked for almost 10 years in the insurance industry as a programmer and mathematician, I had a burn out. Working 16 to 20 hour days, seven days a week does that to you. And from that burn out I spiraled down further into a clinical depression and went on medication. Now this is my journey, so please in case you are struggling with your meantal health, every one is on their own path - please honor yours!  So Just about 6 months into my therapy, slowly trying to climb out of the emptiness and darkness that depression is, I sat myself down and asked myself what I wanted my life to look like and maybe look like is not the right way to put it, but rather feel like: and I knew I wanted more meaning, I wanted to feel connected to the world around me, I wanted to feel love in a multitude of ways from a multitude of relationships. I wanted to feel alive and feel at peace and at ease being alive. And as I jotted down my bucket list of actions and experiences and fun stuff that I wanted to accomplish in the next two years, I decided to prioritize: what needed more time to get done and what could I tick off the list right away. And getting a puppy seemed doable in a short amount of time (ha! The naivety!) so I concluded my introspection with the firm decision: it was time to get that Belgian Malinois puppy I had been dreaming about for years. The thing is I am a runner and on my runs I would meet this policeman who had a malinois and I sometimes chatted with him or observed them training. The thing is I had already felt attracted to the breed  even before that: the malinois does have something very noble looking about them, not to mention they seemed to me to be great running buddies. So I could already see myself running marathons with my Belgian Malinois.
In case you are wondering how I ended up with a scruffy looking dog, like Kona. (Imagine an old english sheepdog, only in black) - it was Google that saved me from making the mistake of getting a Malinois. In my enthusiasm I turned to google and asked: what should I know about getting a Malinois puppy, and the first thing that popped up was a youtube video on why I should NOT get a Malinois and to this day I am grateful to the lady who made that video, the guardian of a Malinois, who explained in very clear english that unless you have  at least 4-5 hours per day to invest in physically exercising your Malinois and mentally stimulating them, then you would only get yourself into trouble, and add stress and frustration to your life. What makes the Malinois a perfect police and military dog is exactly  this characteristic: they are high drive, they love to be into action, and do things. For LONG periods of times. And I realised that having a Malinois at that precise moment was not the right decision for me. Recovering from depression and burn out was exhausting enough! So I went with my second favorite breed: a mutt from a dog shelter from Romania. And two months later, Tonks, my very first dog came to live with me. Now Tonks had been found when she was just a puny puppy: about 4-6 weeks old, she had stayed in the shelter for just 2-3 months when I god her, but all this time she shared a pen with her 3 sisters and her mommy. So in the grand scheme of things: she was a puppy who had positive experiences and positive interactions within her litter. As far as she could remember she had always had food and it was warm were she was.
This is all important because it turned out that Tonks was a super chill dog. She experienced the world through an optimistic lens and when she came to me I made sure to expose her to a variety of exciting experiences that all ended up with her being tired and happy. I had done my reading and I had done my research, I had watched the courses and with Tonks I followed all the training books to a t. And when I took her out to the park and let her roam free, to the great stress of other Hoomans who were walking their dogs ON LEASH, I would nod my head as a know-it-all when their reactive dogs would go bonkers when my friendly puppy approached them and would tell myself: this is what you get for not properly socializing your dog. And on top of that I screamed, with an arrogant tone of voice, “ MINE IS FRIENDLY!!!”. In case you are rolling your eyes or maybe you are even ready to press stop and move on to another podcast, where the host is not so cocky and not  so oblivious at the same time. Spoiler: the Universe decided I was not done learning about puppies and dogs… and after I lost Tonks in a car accident, I learned grief and I learned how to be on the other side of the dog guardianship experience.
After Tonks crossed over the rainbow, I felt heartbroken. I felt so much pain, I promised myself not to get another dog ever again. I wanted to close my heart, close myself down to feeling suffering . I felt such deep grief that I was readily willing to give up feeling dog love ever again. And then my parents, who had been against me getting a dog, but had grown to love Tonks. Tonks was magical like that: she turned my friends who were cat lovers into dog people. She was adventures, always ready to go out the door and experience the world with a sense of wonder and eagerness. She shined brightly. So my parents reasoned with me: that Tonks had loved life and was always in such a good disposition and most of all she loved me and she would not want me to spend the rest of my life without a dog by my side. She would want me to find another dog to take on my adventures and to cuddle with before going to bed. So alas, one sunny day in May we found ourselves on our way to the shelter to meet A DOG! A BLACK DOG! So when I got there with my party of 7 and the dog shelter manager took me to the pen, this particular black dog came directly to me. She looked into my eyes as if she was looking into my soul. And the first thing I thought: these are the kindest eyes I have ever looked into. She growled at all the other dogs that tried to approach me and I knew that THIS was my dog and that I was her human and that THIS was a whole new level of connecting to another being. Fast forward a month later: Kona (this is what I had named her, Kona after the Hawaiian region on Big Island of Hawaii and of course after the coffee coming from that region, one of the most exclusive and sought after specialty coffees in the world: and this is not an ad!!! it seemed to fit her as she was black with shades of brown. Besides I love both coffee and Hawaii. My favorite place in the whole world.). So Kona came to live with me and the first few days were a complete SHOCK! In my head I was going to pick up where I had left with Tonks and the reality of what followed was overwhelming: this dog had no idea of anything. On top of that Kona was around 1 year old. And from what I could find out about her: she had been found at a gas station in the country-side in Romania, she had been in two shelters. She was wary of people, but friendly. Dogs however were a complete different story: she would go bonkers the moment we met another dog on the street. The first few weeks were a nightmare: she had problems peeing and pooping and she did that every 24 to 48 hours. She peed every 24 hrs. Despite taking her out every two hours but still nothing.

I realised how little I knew about dogs, I was reminded of my childhood’s street dogs who were angry and I felt as helpless as I had felt back then: because I had NO IDEA how to make it clear to this dog that I loved her.

Luckily for me one of my favorite hobbies is LEARNING NEW THINGS so I turned to what I loved most: I started reading different kinds of books on dogs than I had read for Tonks, I started following different kinds of instagram profiles, I started hanging out with other dog guardians. I worked with dog behaviorists and dog trainers.

I was a sponge for knowledge and most of all: I dedicated my time to practicing everything with Kona. All positive reinforcement of course. But the more I lived with Kona, the more we trained, the more we exercised I realised that there was something much deeper at play between us: it was not about the treats, or the toys which Kona immediately tore apart. It intuitively started feeling like the most important aspect in our relationship and honestly, the least talked about on social media, was the dog-human bond. And there was not much in the literature or in the training steps I followed about this core component so crucial to thriving in the relationship with your dog.

And I don’t mean loving your dog and your dog loving you. I mean the kind of bond were there is love but there is also mutual respect, there is loyalty on both sides. A bond that goes beyond toys and the 7 steps to a perfect recall.

And I only realised this when I watched Kona interact with other people, she was friendly and loved the interaction. But would she walk with them to the corner of the street: no! And then again none of them had laid next to her under the bed to share food with her, because she was too afraid of being in an enclosed room or too afraid to approach her bowl of food and none of them had stayed with her in the sun for 35 minutes until she would calm down and walk another step. And I used to stay next to her in the sun in such a way that my body would give her shade. Because she is black and we live in a sunny place and I was afraid she would over heat.

I slowly started to comprehend the subtlety that love and building that once in a life-time, meaningful, profound bond were two different things, and while one included the other, love was simply not enough…

Positive experiences most definitely connect us, in general, not just within the dog-human relationship. But overcoming negative experiences, sticking together through the ugliness of reactivity, through the initial fear my dog felt when she was introduced to society rules, honoring the animal inside of her by allowing her to be herself, and fully embracing all of who she was: the reactive dog, the territorial dog, the fearful dog (and of course: the cuddly dog, the playful dog) - sticking there for all of that is what sealed the deal. Being there every day and with every small step shifting into a better experience... That is how you build the bond, how that bond comes into play when you recall, when you meet a dog on the street and so on. Just like in any relationship: the good times are awesome, but sticking with someone through the muddy times takes you to a whole new level of connecting to another being. More profound, more meaningful, being love from the core of who you are while excepting the other person or animal just as they are, exactly where they are on their personal journey: with the good and most importantly the bad. And if you think this is too woo-woo for you or to hearty feely, for women kinda talk: science has proved that dogs (and cats) choose affection over food.

That is some food for thought  (pun intended!) for when you next find yourself dangling that treat in the air while recalling your dog or trying to get your dog’s attention while another dog is passing… how is that working out for you?! Is your dog running track to get to you or do they act aloof and keep doing whatever they deem important?! And if you have a perfect recall, 100% of the times, or if your dog is ok with being on leash or off leash and meeting other dogs - then probably this podcast will be out of another world for you!

It was around Christmas in 2020 when I came up with the slogan Adopt That Monster. I was scrolling through facebook one day and saw two posts that made me think hard about the world we live in and about the part I wanted to play in the web that connects us.

First, I read this post by a woman who was desperate. At least that is how it read to me and I related a lot to what she was saying: she was struggling with her adopted dog and was asking herself how much longer she would be able to live like that. The anxiety she experienced when she got out of the house had become too much. Her dog was highly reactive, he needed the walks to use up the energy. Because otherwise kept inside for longer periods of time, he became destructive. I thought about how Kona had been the same: it was an ordeal to walk her in the first few months and without allowing a dog to use up their energy, they start indeed destroying things: Kona chewed on some of my clothing. It had taken months and months and I had invested hours every day to teach her to ignore other dogs on the street. And although it had been almost two years, we were no where near perfect. Was it better? Definitely. Was it perfect? It most definitely never will be. I felt my heart sinking in my belly when I saw how people where giving her advice but almost no one was like: you know what?! It freaking sucks. And not to play the victim or join in on a pity party, but more form the perspective: I see you and I see the hardship you are facing. And I applaud you for showing up here vulnerable and admitting your human limits. And then maybe only after that proceed to offer a solution. Do we all have it all figured out? Or are we a continuous work in progress?

And the second post was a somewhat more disturbing story: a man who had just adopted a dog. His family had had the dog for just four days!!! Decided to euthanise it. The story was a bit unclear: he claimed the dog was aggressive, but had never reached out to the rescue to ask them to remove the dog from their home since the rescue offered emergency re-homing.   I know that this story is shocking and upsetting which is not my goal here. Most people commenting on the post had the tendency to harshly judge the man for his actions. Now I mentioned before how I love learning, and to keep up with the most recent research on dogs (and not only) I like checking a journals and articles database, called science direct (I hope this is the name and I am not botching it), and I read there some statics about humans and dogs: and apparently in the United States and the United Kingdom 34 to 40% of dog owners (I don’t feel that the term guardian applies here) would much more rather euthanise their dog than surrender it to a rescue. And now I don’t think this should be taken as an attack on those nationalities, it is just where the research was conducted and these are first world countries so there is most probably funding for this kind of statistics and research to be conducted. I am an optimist by nature but I do doubt that the numbers would be different for other countries. Anyway… it saddened me… and it made me ponder how huge the gap was between our expectations of life with a  dog (and I had had those expectations with Kona as well, with Tonks I was a first time owner so I just went with the flow and took everything that happened on our journey as “this is normal” and luckily that normal had been easy breezy) how huge the gap between expectations of life with a dog and the reality what life with a dog is, especially with an adopted dog who has traveled for 3-5 days on in a tiny cage to live in a whole new world, and at the end of this hard, filled with anxiety road - someone waits for it who has a completely different idea of what is going to happen. And no judgment here because we experience this gap in a variety of life situations: like when I was a teenager and thought that working is way more fun than being in school and getting graded and I was in such a hurry to get to that 9 to 5 job that turns out to be 16 hrs per day, burn out and so on… or maybe (this is not my case yet!) if you are a parent you can recall what you thought life would be like with a child before you had that baby. Just to give a few hopefully relate-able examples. It saddened my heart because social media glorifies adoption and you see those cool photos of the dogs in the sunset (and yes! I am guilty of posting those kind of photos as well! One of the reasons why I deleted my social media accounts a year ago… I just did not want to add to the comparison-syndrome. And sharing hardships on social media ( in the spirit of being transparent) comes with a lot of judgment from others who never know the details of your particular story… so you end up feeling guilty and being shamed if you choose to be vulnerable…

And that is kind of where Adopt That Monster started to take shape inside of me: I want it to be the safe place where we can be vulnerable about our dogs and most of all be vulnerable of how learning to be in the dog-human relationship affects us, the HOOMANS. Adopt That Monster is about having that community where we are met with compassion and understanding, while keeping in mind that each adopted dog is unique, each human is unique and each human-dog bond will require it’s unique blend of trial and error to build that meaningful bond we all dream of and strive for. So Adopt That Monster comes to you to bring to the forefront a variety of aspects of the human-dog bond while aiming to support you through better understanding YOURSELF AND your adopted dog. So that you can successfully build that unbreakable bond that lasts a life time. No matter where you are on your journey of living life with a dog, an adopted dog, or not an adopted dog - it is never to late to add new layers to the love we already feel for our dogs. And to deepen that connection to levels that open our hearts to loving and being loved like never before. Are you co-existing with your dog? Or are you owning up to your role in the dog-human relationship? And most of all are you ready to take yourself apart? To have an honest look in the mirror, become aware of how having an adopted dog who is reactive or who is ignoring that re-call is affecting you, and your disposition? Are you faking the calm reaction to that re-call or that negative interaction with another dog? Or are you being the calm that your dog looks up to? These are just some ideas of all the shades of white, grey, and black we will be looking into in the future…

So if you are one these humans, who feels like every day, they see their dog through new perspectives and wants to cement the connection then you are here at the right place.

The Adopt that Monster will bring you weekly topics on bonding with your dog and not only. Learning about our dogs is highly important to the human-dog relationship, learning about ourselves, as Humans, and embracing ourselves while striving to make those small inner shifts is what takes your bond to your dog to new levels.

We have confirmed guests with expertize in a variety of fields from dog behavior, to nutrition, to training (we can never ever have enough tips on how to strengthen that re-call am I right?!), to movement therapy to reduce anxiety in your dog and so much more.   Our guests are excited to bring us the latest research, practical and easy to implement tips, and to assist us in broadening our horizons of understanding our four pawed fluffs. So that we are fully equipped to flourish together with our dogs from the inside out and the outside in!

Are you as excited as I am about the journey ahead?

If you are, don’t forget to hit the subscribe button!
And if you really really liked this episode, please follow our young and fresh social media accounts: we have a Facebook Page, an Instagram Account and we are also on Twitter at Adopt That Monster!  We have a youtube channel and you can find all the links in the episode description below. We intend to bring you valuable content that will support you and your dog blossom  and soar as a team on your bonding journey.
This was the first episode of the Adopt That Monster podcast! Thank you for listening to us and thank you for being committed to up-leveling the relationship you have with your dog by becoming the best version of your Hooman self.

Till next time!






Episode 1: Love Is Simply Not Enough

Welcome to the first episode of the Adopt That Monster Podcast!

In today’s episode:
Kona & I introduce ourselves, we tell you our stories before we met,
We talk about our journey through reactivity,
You will find out how Adopt That Monster came to life,
I share my mission for Adopt That Monster,
And finally: all the wonderful and exciting reasons why you should stick around and listen to us!
If you liked this episode then don’t forget to hit the subscribe button!
If you REALLY LIKED this episode then follow us on social media for more valuable, insightful content:

Facebook Page: Adopt That Monster
Instagram Page: @adoptthatmonster
Twitter Page: @AdoptThtMonster
Youtube Channel: @AdoptThatMonster

Thank you for listening!